A policeman took a monkey to his boss. The boss asked，“What kind of monkey business are you getting up to？He said，”This monkey was wandering on the streets，not following any of the rules. I'm turning him in.” The boss said，“Oh，my God！ You're so dumb！ If you catch a monkey，you have to take it to the zoo. Why bring it to me. Take it to the zoo！”So the policeman took the monkey out. Three or four days later，he was seen again，holding the monkey's hand. He took the monkey to the police car，opened the door，put it in，and was about to drive away. The boss saw this，ran out，and asked，”Oh，my God！ How come the monkey is still here？I told you to take it to the zoo.”The policeman replied，“Yes，sir. I've already taken him to the zoo. Today，I'm taking him to see a movie.
胡闹
有位警察带了只猴子给他上司看，他上司就说他：“你搞什么鬼啊？”警察说：“这猴子在大街上到处乱跑，不守规矩，我把它捉了回来。”上司说：“天啊，你怎么那么笨？捉到猴子就把它带到动物园去嘛，带给我干吗？把它送到动物园去！”后来那警察就带了猴子出去了。三四天后，上司看见他拉着猴子的手，打开警车门让猴子坐进去，正准备开车出去。上司忙跑来说：“天啊，为什么到现在还把猴子留在这儿，我不是叫你把它带到动物园去的吗？怎么还在这儿？”警察大哥说：“是呀！我已经带它去了动物园，今天带它去看电影！”
Is that clock right
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday，thousands of people passed his door，and a lot of them stopped and asked him，“What's the time，please？”
After a few months，Dan said to himself，“I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here.” Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time，” he thought happily. But after that，a lot of people stopped，looked at the clock and then asked Dan，“Is that clock right？”
这钟准吗？
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他：“请问现在几点？”几个月后，丹想：“我不想再回答这些笨蛋提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了吧。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹：“这钟准吗？”
单词&词组
slaughterhouse [5slC：tEhaJs] n.屠宰场
fussy [5fQsi] adj.急躁，担忧的
flatter [5flAtE] vt.阿谀，奉承
dismay [dis5mei] n.沮丧，惊慌
monkey business 胡闹，常指指不道德或不合法的行为；恶作剧
see a movie 看电影
doorman [5dC：mEn] n.门卫，门童
知道不知道
迈克尔·杰克逊有首歌曲就叫Monkey business。
Well，Lord have mercy
Well，Lord have mercy
This ain't no good for me
This ain't no good for me，baby
Well，Lord have mercy
Well，Lord have mercy
Ain't no good for me，baby
Tell me what's goin' down，baby
Every time I wanna say it，it is
Just too much for me...
第一章 When do people talk least？
人们什么时候说话最少？
Best reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
“The best way，sir，” said the deck hand，“is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out，they'd chuck me in.”
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“长官，最好的办法，”这名水手说，“就是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
Two pounds plums
Mother：I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half.
Shopkeeper：My scales are all right，madam. Have you weighed your little boy？
两磅李子
母亲：我让小孩来买两磅李子，可你只给了他一磅半。
店主：太太，我们的秤准确无误。您秤过您的儿子了吗？
Things have been okay
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son，who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists，but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted，“Mom，the toast is burned.”
“You talked！ You talked！” Shouted his mother. “I'm so happy！ But why has it taken this long？”
“Well，up till now，” Said the boy，“things have been okay.”
一切都正常
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话。他们对此深感焦虑，于是带他去找专家诊治，但医生们认为孩子一切正常。后来有一天吃早餐时，小男孩突然开口了：“妈妈，面包烤焦了。
“你说话了！你说话了！”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了！但为什么花了这么长的时间呢？”
“哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都正常啊。”
The bad news and the terrible news
Michael sat in his attorney's office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news？” the lawyer asked.
“Give me the bad news first.”
“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”
“That's the bad news？” asked Michael incredulously. “I can't wait to hear the terrible news.”
“The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary.”
坏消息和可怕的消息
迈克尔坐在律师的办公室里。“您想先知道坏消息还是可怕的消息？”律师问。
“先告诉我坏消息吧。”
“您的妻子发现了一张价值50万美元的照片。”
“那是坏消息？”迈克尔满腹怀疑，“快告诉我可怕的消息。”
“可怕的消息就是照片是关于您和秘书的。”
When do people talk least？
Student A：When do people talk least？
Student B：In February.
Student A：Why？
Student B：Because February is the shortest month of the year.
人们什么时候说话最少？
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少？
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢？
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
单词&词组
rescue [5reskju：] n.营救，救援
reward [ri5wC：d] vt.报酬，奖赏
chuck [tFQk] n.（随便或贸然地）扔，抛
plum [plQm] n.李子，梅子
anxious [5ANkFEs] adj.焦急的，忧虑的
blurt [blE：t] vt.突然说出，脱口而出
why has it taken this long，是It takes sb. some time to do sth.句式的变体。
incredulously [in5kredjulEsli]不肯轻信地
知道不知道
有一首童谣是这样唱的：
30 days hath September，April，June，and November.
All the rest have 31
but February's the shortest one.
With 28 days most of the time
until Leap Year gives us 29.